Keziah Hill

Yesterday I went to the dentist. I got there a bit early so went to a new branch of Gleebooks in Dulwich Hill and came out $100 lighter. It was an expensive day.

But the books I got were worth it. Kathleen Stewart’s Men of Bad Character looks like a chicklit book but is in fact a fairly dark story about obsession. Or so says a friend who recommended it.

Staying Alive: Real Poems for Unreal Times, edited by Neil Astley is an anthology I’ve leafed through on a friend’s bookshelf and wanted a copy of my own. Some of my favourite poets are included like Sharon Olds, Ted Hughes, Raymond Carver, Czeslaw Milosz and Denise Levertov.

And lastly, Brothers and Sisters edited by Charlotte Wood is an anthology of short stories about, you guessed it, brothers and sisters.

These books will be added to my already overflowing bookcase of unread books. Why do I keep buying books when I have so many I haven’t read?

Dunno.

Maybe it has something to do with missing out. I see I book I want and become convinced if I don’t pick it up and buy it, I’ll forget about it and will forever regret what I’ve passed up.

Madness. I’m not reading them anyway.

In other news, the writing is going fairly well after my rejuvenating RWAust conference, even though Mercury went retrograde on 21 August, the day of the Australian elections. Not surprisingly, there is no clear electoral outcome and a hung parliament likely.

My writing took a nose dive that day, but I was prepared for it and worked out I hate writing on weekends because I’ve worked all my life in 9-5, Monday to Friday jobs. It’s just to hard for me to readjust.

So I decided to treat writing like a job and turn up at the computer at 9.00am each week day morning and work off and on till 5:00pm. Seems to be going okay so far.

View from my room, Crowne Plaza Coogee

Over the last few weeks I’ve been doing a bit of traveling. Mudgee, Melbourne, Byron Bay and culminating in the Romance Writers’ of Australia Conference at Coogee Beach.

I’ve been going to RWAus conferences for the last six years and I think this would be one of the best.

The organisation has grown enormously since I joined in 2004 and every year sees an increase in professionalism and enthusiasm among the members. This conference has certainly re-ignited my motivation and determination to finish my book, enter some competitions and start submitting again.

I particularly liked some of the stirring motivational words by Deb Dixon. Deb is the Goals, Motivation and Conflict guru and her workshop made me realise I was wimping out on my hero, making him too nice with no real conflict. Standing under the shower on Monday morning I found inspiration, and have now re-arranged my characters so my hero is in a major conflict with the heroine. The old Get-Them-Up-A-Tree-And-Throw-Rocks-At-Them trick.

But Deb’s address to the conference on Sunday stuck with me the most. She talked about the importance of having dreams and goals but that the journey is paramount. It’s no good having a dream of being a multi-published author if you hate the journey to that dream. If you hate spending hours on your own in a room in front of a computer or a notebook, don’t be a writer.

This really resonated with me, because I often don’t let myself enjoy the journey. I’m too busy worrying about the dream. It nicely dovetailed into a fridge magnet I bought recently that says, “Happiness is a journey, not a destination.”

So nicely regenerated, I’m home with a lot of clarity about my manuscript and a plan to write a minimum of 1,000 words each day. I’m paying attention to Keri Arthur here, who does five pages every day no matter what.

The other wonderful thing about the conference was the incredible generosity of more experienced and successful writers. The marvellous Anna Campbell, Annie West, Bronwyn Parry, Anne Gracie, Kelly Hunter, Sharon Archer, Fiona McArthur, Marion Lennox plus many more, were always ready to encourage, provide information and generally have a great time with anyone willing to also have a good time. And a good time we did have, although my head was a little sore some mornings. That last Galliano on Sunday night was a killer. Next year the conference will be in Melbourne, my favourite Australian city.

Three hundred and fifty nine sleeps to go.

I went to see Inception yesterday at the movies and it was an interesting exercise in watching a movie with a writer’s eye.

It’s a sci-fi mystery with incredible twist and turns in the plot. Tremendously engaging and action packed, I nevertheless found it too long. But the main problem for me was my inability to grasp the technology of the movie. It became a given that every one could fall asleep and immediately enter into a world of dreams with the help of a little silver box.

This didn’t work for me. So from the beginning I didn’t understand the central premise of the work. The world building was faulty (or I’m just not quick enough!).  If a writer or a film maker can’t get that right, the reader of view will be short changed.

It’s a wonderfully entertaining movie and I’d be interested about what anyone else thinks.

I had one of those crazy making days yesterday, where I doubted my writing even though the day before I’d been positive and productive. I think this is my process, a bit of progress and then a lot of fear. What in psychodramatic terms would be called the motivating force versus the reactive fear. Living so thoroughly in my head can distort reality. Part of this is my overwhelming need for perfection which is such a hard habit to let go of. If the words don’t come out the way I think they should, I lose heart very easily.
The other problem for me at the moment is not filling the well. I’ve decided to take six months off to write and dammit I bloody-well better write! Unfortunately my brain doesn’t work like that. It needs care and feeding.

So I took out my trusty iPhone this morning and took a shot of the clouds viewed from my deck and then another one from a a spot looking out to the Jamison Valley one way and the Megalong Valley the other way.I’d like this to become a regular feature of this blog, so you might see some more pictures soon.
At the moment I’m working on a short erotic story which is nearly finished and have just started a romantic suspense novel based on my experiences working in the criminal justice system. So pottering along.

No doubt about it. Writing is a solitary activity and can do your head in. When there’s nothing between you and a computer, like a job, you have to work out how to write and stay sane. And if you live alone like me, there can be days when the only people you speak to are behind the counters at the supermarket.

One upon a time I would have loved it, but it’s hard. That’s when you realise that you have to keep in contact with the outside world. So a series of lunches have been planned.

I’ve been struggling with the beginning of my wip. It didn’t set the world on fire. Hell, I was bored with it but I thought I’d leave it and something would emerge. Finally something has, which makes me feel much better. As much as I jump ahead to scenes further into the book, if the beginning falls flat, it’s hard for me to stop worrying about it.

I’m also writing an erotic novella which started out serious but has become a bit farcical, but in a good way. It’s fun to write.

All in all, movement is forward.

When I finished working full time in mid June, I committed myself to the 50ks in 30 Days word writing sprint. My goal was to write 16,000 words by the end of June. Yet again I let myself be seduced by word numbers. This method of writing really works for some people (as you can see by their totals, go Girls!) but it doesn’t work for me. It never has. I’m not a fast writer and I need to revise as I go. Many people say this is not an efficient way to write, and truly, I think I agree. But I know I can’t write any other way. It seems that I need to mull over words before I can move on.

The other mistake I made was not giving myself some time to let go of the old life. I was tired. I needed to veg out, watch lots of TV and read books. Which I did.

But I found myself slipping into negative self thoughts last night. The old messages.

Who am I kidding? I can’t write.
I’m too old to start.
I have nothing to say.
I’m not good enough.

These messages will cripple me. So I re-read a project I hadn’t looked at for some time and got re-enthused about writing and the way forward. I also have a study goal of pulling apart some crime novels to look at their structure. So ideas for my plot are burbling and generally I’m feeling a lot more engaged and optimistic.

I still have a goal of writing words each day, 500 to 1,000 would be ideal, but I’m not going to get fixated on that.

It’s cold here. Very frosty this morning. My deck was covered with ice. Good day for plotting and planning.

It’s back to the morning pages, a technique which is the basis of Julia Cameron’s work. The last week has been a wash out in terms of writing. Sure, I needed to wind down and take a break, but I would’ve like to have developed a writing practice. What I forgot is that writing doesn’t just come to you, you have to work at it. Sitting in front of the computer or sitting on your couch with a pen in your hand and note book in your lap are necessities.

The three things that have always helped me get back into the rhythm of writing when I’m stuck are reading poetry, doing morning pages and going for long walks. I have to slow down and start noticing the world. It starts from noticing the way my pen hits the page and how my writing is so bad because I’m rushing and don’t form the letters properly. Then I drift off into a revery about something or rather and have to bring my attention back to what I’m doing and where I am. Not that reveries are bad – let’s face it, they are the meat and potatoes of most stories – but I can use them to avoid the actual work of writing. Particularly when they are about being published and all the ego that entails rather than working through a story dilemma.

So note books are out, and some morning pages have been written. And through that process, a plot problem has resolved itself. See, it does work.