Keziah Hill

So, I finished work on Friday. Today is Monday and although it’s a public holiday here, I’ve done a bit more than 1,000 words so far. This is good. The next regular practice I need to develop is exercise. Haven’t done any today, but I want to start going to the gym tomorrow during the day when it’s less busy. Although there is nothing stopping me going for a walk now I guess. You can just hear that rampaging enthusiasm can’t you?

In other news, I won two books both from upcoming Romance Writers’ of Australia members. The firstbook, Daughter of the Blood by Anne Bishop was the result of commenting on Mel’s Blog. M. J. Scott’s first novel Shadow Kin will be published in June 2011 by Ace/Roc. Mel’s been running a competition every month, giving away a copy of some of her favorite novels.

The second book was Janni Nell’s debut Carina Press book Allegra Fairweather: Paranormal Investigator. It will be out tomorrow US time. So go to the Carina Press site tomorrow and buy it!

I’ve downloaded some new software so I’m just testing to see if it uploads to my blog. Stay tuned….

My life is going to h-i-a-h. A week and a half to the end of my paid work and my workload has increased two-fold because of a temp who didn’t work out. And I’m coming down, yet again, with some flu thing. I think I’ll be spending my first month after work in bed. Sounds wonderful.

I’m part of the 50ks in 30 Days blog but I’m starting on 12 June. So I’ve committed to writing 16,000 for the rest of the month. I hope to write more, but that will be the minimum. And a lot of it will be absolute crap. That’s what I’m using the month for – getting back into the physical experience of writing. There will be lots of staring at the computer and lots of hearing the siren call of the dirty bathroom. I’m a little scared. I haven’t had the experience of so much time to write. What’s the bet I’ll find it hard? The main thing I’m worried about is isolation. Part of the benefits of paid work is the way it gets you out of the house. But that’s what I’ve committed myself to, so learning how to deal with that is part of the experience. Wish me luck!

I’m listening to some old Bruce Springsteen and tinkering with some old writing projects. Not actual writing, more looking at them, working out what can be discarded and generally getting re acquainted with what I want to do. Somethings are not too bad. I started a story about some sex workers mixing with an unexpected client which got me hot so I’ll continue with that.

I have two weeks to go before I finish my paid work and it still remains a torture to turn up everyday. I didn’t think I was that stressed but my body is telling me something different. I wake up in the morning with my shoulders around my ears and have to push them down to relax. And I’m grinding my teeth.

I feel guilty about leaving. Catholic guilt is a life long disability.

Battered but unbowed, I’ve survived my once in a few years prune of a particularly vicious climbing rose in my front garden. I don’t have the energy or the courage to prune it every year, but I decided attention had to be paid to the jungle out the front. The Rock Rose also got a good cut. Underneath I forgot about the geranium that thankfully is still alive and well, and the species gladiolus that also seem to be still alive. The front of my house looks quite different. Like a rampaging Viking horde has been at it. Ah well. It will look great in spring and it gives more room to the flowering quince which is one of the only bushes that blooms in winter. The stark red blossoms on the bare branches will look fantastic.

My house has been painted and generally spruced up and I’m planning a new kitchen. All this cleaning up and clearing out is my preparation for my six months off from paid work. And as I prune and discard, I also seem to be discarding my compartmentalized mind set. I found working in a high stress welfare job a killer for creativity.

I think one of the most important building blocks for writing (for me at any rate) is giving yourself time to dream, fill the well and dig into your internal life. I found I couldn’t do this when I was working day in and day out with people who needed my assistance and skills to get their life together again after hitting rock bottom. I felt that if I accessed the part of me that was raw and vulnerable in order to write, I ran the risk of being to raw and vulnerable in my day job. I wonder if this the definition of burnout, the inability access one’s internal life for fear of not being able to cope. I think it is for me.

But as I start pottering around the garden again and dreaming up new stories, I can feel myself letting go of my job and allowing myself to know myself again.

I guess I’m being Prince Charming to my Sleeping Beauty. I just wish the roses weren’t so thorny!

The last two and a half years have been a washout as far as writing and creativity goes. So after much consideration, thinking, wailing, complaining and generally trying to work out what to do next, I’ve resigned my job and will take six months off. I’ve never done this before so it’s a great leap into the unknown. But having made the decision, it’s a great load off my shoulders. I’m going to spend the six months, writing, gardening, doing some more training (of a work related variety) and maybe putting out some feelers for some consultancy work.

One of my major goals however is to improve my health. That means getting back to the gym and paying attention to my diet. The only trouble is I’ll have to go into training to get back to the gym! I went for a walk this morning, a nice flat suburban walk, and by the time I got back to my car I was so out of breath I had to rest before I could drive home. This is bad. So baby steps before I hit the treadmill.

It’s the same with writing. I look at some of my unfinished projects and am overwhelmed. The thought of launching back into writing a novel fills me with terror. So baby steps there too. The plan is to get back into a routine of writing, doesn’t matter what, and to start noticing the world again.

It’s autumn here which is my favorite time of year. The trees are turning and this morning it was 5 degrees centigrade. Lots of magpies are swooping and caroling and the sun is out. I’m getting interested in the garden again. One of my friends gave me a gorgeous coffee table book called Velvet Pears about Foxgloves Spires a stunning garden on the south coast of NSW at Tilba Tilba. I’m already planning a trip.